Nathan E. Smeal

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Dispelling the Fallacy of ‘Happy Wife, Happy Life’

11/26/2017

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​I recently took an Uber to a friend’s wedding in September. My driver started talking about her family, specifically her son’s wife who she claimed, ‘wore the pants in the family.’ She then stated, ‘It’s his job, he knew what he was getting into… happy wife, happy life.’ I grew silent. Suddenly, I was confronted by the very thing that kept me trapped for years. 
​I love my parents, deeply. I love my Dad because he’s a good man. I think he attempted to live the happy wife, happy life adage. I think that’s why I continued to do so for so long, and while my brother still does.
 
My brother and I have both had failed marriages, previously, and I think it’s because of this mentality. We viewed marriage as the absence of getting yelled at.  
 
In a previous blog, I wrote about what I’ve learned from my wife, in which I stated that it would be best to forget the old adage, happy wife, happy life.  In other words, living for the sole purpose of serving another human being is not healthy. A strong marriage should be a partnership.  
 
Having a wife as a CEO/Owner of a successful small business, I’ve learned a few things. One such lesson occurred with a client who recently parted ways. This was a client of several years – and if I had to sum up why it didn’t work out, I could do so in two words… the wife. (Rach wrote a blog with a little more about this – you can read it here).
 
As a man, I realize that women are smarter than me, especially my wife, however there are times when this goes too far.
 
For anybody who feels as though their life is not their own, this is my message to you…
Living a life of significance has to be what you want AND what your wife wants. You should agree on what that looks like, otherwise, you’re going to find yourself very unhappy.
 
Life is short. If you’re not living the life you want to live, that needs to change before it’s too late.
 
When you’re sitting on the plane, prior to takeoff and the flight attendant explains that should an oxygen mask may be necessary, you must save yourself first, before helping other passengers. There’s a great lesson here. What good can we be if we can’t help ourselves?  
 
Do not mistake taking care of yourself as selfishness. It’s entirely necessary to remain sustainable.
 
I get it - You do what you know. I did what I knew. Not excusing myself as not knowing any better, but if experience is any guide, I will tell you this… Take care of yourself, live YOUR life, and hopefully, you’ll be lucky enough to find a true partnership.

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